i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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