Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
