I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
