A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
