Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
