he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
