just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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