I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
