Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
