So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
