Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
