You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
