I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
