i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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