i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
