Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
