Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
