Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
