Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
