i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
