I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
