I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
