she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
