The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
