I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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