We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
