drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
FUCK WHALES
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