i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
