Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
