I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
