Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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