Your face is a jimmy john
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
