he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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