Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
