I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
