Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
