Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
