Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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