You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
