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This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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