I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
