my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
