They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
