i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
