Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
