Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
