i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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