did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I intend to get homeless drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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