Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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