I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
