I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
