Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
